"NORMAN" A SHORT STORY

NORMAN

"Don't let his size scare you. He is just a big old baby," Josh told me smiling. "Good Lord!" I exclaimed, "He's gigantic. What is he a mix of?" "Would you believe Pit Bull and Great Dane?" "That'd explain it."

I'd been walking Norman for almost a year now and he was, indeed a sweetheart. Unfortunately, Josh's bride didn't have the same opinion. Not only didn't she and the dog bond; she outright disliked him. And with the upcoming arrival of the new baby, Norman had to go. She wouldn't take no for an answer.

"What am I going to do, Cherie? I've tried talking to Laurie till I'm blue in the face. She's adamant. Norman is out and the sooner the better." The man sitting in the chair petting his dog started to cry. "Who will adopt him? Anyone who takes one look at Norm, will never give him a chance. The shelter will put him down. They'll kill him." Josh buried his head into his pet's furry chest and sobbed loudly. "We'll think of something," I assured the owner, but I knew in my heart, that it was pretty much hopeless.

Friday was only three days away. I promised to accompany Josh and Norman to the S.P.C.A. Now, I wish I hadn't. It was going to be excruciating witnessing their separation. Norman was a pup when Josh got him and they had been pals for nearly ten years. Yes, it was going to be devastating.

"Cherie, Cherie," I heard the excited voice on the phone shout, "I've got the answer. Norm is saved. I don't have to lose him after-all." Maybe he and the wifey are divorcing, I thought. Any animal hating bitch should be kicked to the curb. That's grounds in my book. "What's happening, Josh?"

"The more I thought about it, the more I knew I couldn't bear to let him go. And with Laurie's deadline quickly approaching, I had to take action and fast." "What did you come up with?" "It's simple. I don't know why I didn't think of it sooner." "What? Tell me already."

"Norm has his own apartment!" "Beg pardon?" "That's right! Norm has a one bedroom place overlooking Broadway."

Now I had heard everything. "Did he sign a lease?" was the only response I could manage. "Of course not," Josh laughed, "I signed it for him. But, it's in his name, nevertheless. I just told the agent I was authorized to find a place for my cousin and would take full responsibility etc." "Well, when does he move in?" "We are planning on heading there in a little while. He really doesn't have that much to bring over. It's furnished, you know?"

The elevator stopped on the sixth floor. Josh and Norm met me at the door of the pet's new digs. "Come on in. You're Norm's first visitor." I wiped my feet on the paw print welcome mat and entered.

"Here you go, Fellah. It's a house warming gift," I said, handing a rawhide bone to the dog. Norm settled near the bay window and started gnawing on his beef basted present. "Hey, don't be rude. Get up and give your guest the grand tour," Josh scolded the animal. "It's OK." "No, he has to learn how to behave, now that he's on his own."

Reluctantly, the dog left his chew and rose up on all fours. I followed him from room to room. "God damnit! This place is bigger than mine and has a view to kill for," I exclaimed with envy. "It's terrific, isn't it? And beats the hell out of a cage on death row at the pound," Josh laughed, "Once old Norm settles in and gets his bearings, I'm sure he'll agree. But, at the moment, he's still a little discombobulated." I looked over at the pooch, who could have cared less about anything but the treat I had given him.

"He'll be fine, Honey," I comforted his owner, "And if he gets too bummed being alone, I'll leave my hovel in a New York minute. I've had worse roomies, believe me."

"I'll be here as much as I can everyday, but would you mind dropping in, periodically, Cherie? I'd feel better knowing you were checking on the boy, too." "I'll come by when he least expects it. Don't worry about a thing." "I just don't want to find out he's been making a racket and disturbing the neighbors. You know how rowdy he can be at times." "Listen, if I catch him drinking too much, smoking dope, or having wild parties with his friends from Central Park, I'll give you a holler." "OK, OK. You've made your point. Blame my craziness on separation anxiety or better yet, empty nest syndrome."

Norman, immediately, adjusted to his new doghouse. He lay on the couch watching his big screen TV or listened to rock on the stereo. Food and water were, automatically, dispensed, so he could eat and drink whenever he pleased. Both Josh and I were frequent visitors. Norman was one happy pup and enjoyed his newfound independence.

"Hey, Cherie, you're not going to believe this." "What's up, Josh?" "Norman. What else! That dog is a trip." "What'd he do?" "Well, I was walking over to his apartment, a little while ago, and who do you think I saw on the fire escape outside his window?" "Oh my God, please don't tell me Norman. Is he alright?" "He's fine. But, get this. I watched him climb down the steps to the first floor, jump on the trash bin, and then, the sidewalk." "Jesus Christ," I interrupted, "That's too fucking much." "Wait, it gets better. Norm strolled down 106th Street, without a care in the world. He peed on every tree and bush. And then, took a dump by the curb when no one was looking or so he thought." "Holy Shit, you're kidding me? Right?" "Nope. And after doing his thing, he went back to his place and sat his ass by the front door and waited. In no time, some people walked out and Norm slipped past them into the building." "But, how did he get into the apartment?" "You know, I leave the front door ajar during the day. I mean, who in their right mind would go inside after hearing Norm's bark?" "You can say that again." "I followed him into the building. He took the steps and I caught the elevator. I beat him upstairs and hurried inside to wait for his arrival. In a minute or two, here he comes through the door, kicking it shut with his back left paw. Can you believe that dog?" "Well, that explains why he's always on empty when I take him for his walks," I said. "And to think, I was worried he wouldn't make it on his own," Josh chuckled.

Needless to say, my services as a dog walker were no longer needed, though I still hung out with Norm at his pad. We'd watch Animal Planet and share a pizza or KFC. But, as time wore on, we didn't even do that much anymore. He was just too busy to be a homebody. He had places to go and people to see.

At the ripe old age of fifteen, Norman took his last journey. He made the rounds of his favorite restaurants in the neighborhood that day. He visited with some of his canine chums, as they passed by with their dog walkers. Then, satisfied he returned to his apartment, snuggled up on his couch alone, and drifted away in quiet solitude.

I've never met the real-estate mogul Donald Trump, but I'll never forget the real-estate mongrel Norman.

(CARTOON COURTESY OF ARG! Cartoon Animation)